A New Journey!

Yesterday began a new journey for me. After eating a meal at Waffle House, my boyfriend and I discussed that we have been eating late meals a lot recently. We made a plan to stop eating after 8 p.m. and from there, my mind wandered. I realized I needed to be more healthy, but moreover, I needed something to inspire me and keep me going. I've been wanting a new tattoo recently but I have had no idea what I want. The only problem is that I insist that all my tattoos have meaning to them... So what better way to motivate me than to get a tattoo after I get back into shape?! So I'm excited to announce that I will blog every few days- if not every day to document my struggles and feelings along the way! I am excited to become healthy again, and even though I DO hope to lose weight, it's more important to me to just feel like myself again. I know that I will get down and probably feel like I can't win at times, but I am armed with Bible verses and great friends to help me! The only weight loss goal I have- is to be happy with myself when it's over with! Meanwhile, I will be designing the tattoo that I wish to get at the end! So many Bible verses I want for this tattoo, but I have to choose only one! If anyone has any ideas, please send them to me! Hopefully this journey will not only be about bettering myself, but also about growing closer with the Lord through Bible verses I encounter along the trail! So...here's to a new, happier me and a new, exciting journey!

Painful Love

And she said, don't ever let your guard down,

because he waits in the shadows for your heart to scream out,

stay on your toes and don't let him catch you weak,

that softness in your heart is exactly what he seeks.


keep your mind busy so he can never get in,

he knows your every weakness, he knows your every sin.


He loves you he swears, like he loves to destroy,

love means to him, what love means to a small boy.


It's not the chase he wants, it's your heart he craves,

he looks for you to ruin, just when he knows you can't be saved.


Part of you wants him because he's all the love you know,

but he will never have to fight for you, because you'll never let him go.

Your heart still wants the love that turned out such a mess,

it's sad but true, that painful love is love nonetheless.

What a year!

Last night while driving, my cousin and I began talking about what a crazy year it's been. It's amazing how much has happened in a mere 12 months! I graduated from high school, started college, moved out of my house, got a new job, made tons of new friends, lost a few as well, fell in love, fell back out, learned how to manage money (or better yet, how NOT to), and most important of all, I learned the literal meaning of, "Life's a dance." Here are a few significant things I've learned this year.



1. Never let people take advantage of you. This applies to everyone- even confrontation-phobic people like myself. The expression, "Give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile", is no joke. .



2. People say money talks. True, although all mine ever seems to say is, "Goodbye." Managing money is a VERY important skill that I have yet to master.



3. Not everyone has the same definition of "clean", so beware of roommates who claim that they are.




4. Don't forgive too easily. Be gracious, but not gullible.



5. There is always one place you can go- home. Your family will love you no matter what. And sometimes if you're lucky, you'll find family in people who aren't related to you- and that is truely beautiful.



7. If you're suffering just to be happy- you aren't really happy. True happiness requires little effort.



8. Let go, and Let God. As common as this is, it is so true. When things aren't right, accept that they are beyond your control and leave it to Him.




A lot has happened this year, some good, some bad. The best part of it all though, was growing up and learning SO much about myself. Now as I begin a new chapter of my life, I embrace the many harder lessons to come. You should too! Here's to a great 2011! :)

The Day I Realized You Weren't The One

I knew your family, I knew your friends, I knew your faults, I knew your plans, I thought I knew the future for us, I thought I knew who I could trust, One day it was I love you, the next it was goodbye, I didn't quite know what to do, All I knew was to cry, For the person I wanted forever, for a closeness that couldn't be severed, for the love I knew always, for the monster you became. It was but yesterday I found out what our "love" was all about, I saw you weren't mine to love, but someone else's who's yet to come. I saw a future without you in it, and to be quite honest, it scared me for a minute. for in the back of my mind I always knew, your love for me was always true. But I'm no longer fooled by those day dreams, I'm longer thinking of weddings with daisies, I'm packing up my life, just this last time, in attempts to get you forever off my mind. I won't let you back in, like I did a few months ago, I won't let you ruin the life that I'm about to know, for my destiny is set and you're nowhere to be found, and when you come back, I won't be around. Please don't mistake me for bitter, for all I am is done. And don't mistake our love for fake, for all it is, is gone.

It's been a while since I could hold my head up high

People always say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and for some reason all these country songs and TV shows make returning to a past love look glamorous. What these songs and shows don't tell you is all of the truth. Herodotus once said, "One cannot step twice into the same river for the water in which you first stepped has flown on." How true. However, when it comes to relationships, this isn't totally accurate.
At first, returning to a past love is exciting and adventurous. It's like picking up a favorite toy from childhood that you left behind. It's such a good idea...in the beginning. After playing with the toy for a while though, you find yourself stuck (for lack of a better word). Stuck in a place with the same toy, but with a different you. What many don't realize is how quickly time changes us. It could be a few weeks or a few months (6 months to be exact), but we change. And when it comes to relationships, it's even harder.
You realize that the same problems you used to have may be gone, but there are new ones. There are harder, more difficult ones. And because you both have changed, you handle the problems differently than you would have the first time around. And if you are anything like me, you may feel depressed for you have made the same mistake twice. But this is not true.
This is not a step taken backwards. This is not another mistake in a string of bad ones. This is merely another lesson learned in a path to the amazing life you have ahead of you. A life that you deserve more than anything. A life of happiness. A happiness that redefines what happiness means. This is realizing that being miserable has no place in love. And if you are miserable in your situation, there is hope for something better.
Maybe occasionally someone gets lucky and finds a lost love just to realize that's all they were ever missing. But 9 times out of 10, we are reminded of the reason the relationship ended in the first place.
The point I am making? Being afraid of change is for babies. And frankly, I've been a baby for a while. But at some point, something weird happens and we become adults. We grow up and realize that change is the ONLY constant in this world. Change is something to embrace, while we let go of everything else holding us back. Shed a tear or two for the love that was lost, and then move on and be not afraid!
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me..."-Psalms 23:4

And it all comes crashing down...(hip hop beats implied).

So I thought my life was getting better, that things were looking up for once. And for a few weeks, they were. Then, I guess God decided to test me yet again. All in one weekend, I find out the guy who did want to be my boyfriend, now has no interest in doing so, AND my roommate is breaking the lease in December and will leave me sans roommate. Ugh. I broke down, as most would. Because it was just a bad weekend. It's amazing the difference a couple of days can make. Days like this make me remember how great God really is. Because no matter how bad things get, I always hear some quiet voice telling me that all will get better soon. It's amazing what faith can do for the human spirit. As disheartening as this past week has been, I am glad to say that it is about to be Fall Break and I'm going to have so much free time! Then again, minus a boyfriend, I don't really have anyone to spend it with. Soooo I'll probably just sit at home alone. But I guess that won't be too much different than any other weekend. This has been a bad blog. I'll probably end up deleting it. I'll write again when things begin to look up. :)

And iiiiiii will always love you. (whitney houston voice implied)

I'm just gonna start this by saying, I'm a pretty fast runner when I get going. And just recently I've realized...that the past few months I've been running endlessly. From what you say? The truth. Lesson numero uno: the truth always wins the race. It always catches up with you. You can move out of your house, start a new school, start dating a nice, new boy, clean up your room, even buy a really mean bunny rabbit that you thought would be sweet but wasn't at all ( okay, maybe that one just applies to me). Anyhooser. The truth always catches up with you, and sadly enough, after a few months of running from it, it doesn't get any prettier when it rears its ugly (and I mean ugly!) head again. The past couple of nights, I just can't seem to get him out of my head. With a year (and some change) of memories though, I guess that's understandable. Maybe this is part of the moving on process that I could have sworn I was done with...about a month or so ago. I pray a lot. And I mean a lot. I really just don't know what I'm so sad about. Yay for a depressing blog! No? You don't like depressing? Ha. Go figure. Promise the next one will be better. (Or at least I hope so.) I'd just like to leave you with one of my favorite spanish quotes....

"No hay quien pueda contar las piedras en un rio, ni la arena del mar, ni lo que yo he perdido."
Translation: "There is no one who could count the stones in a river, the sand in the sea, nor what I have lost."