It's been a while since I could hold my head up high

People always say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and for some reason all these country songs and TV shows make returning to a past love look glamorous. What these songs and shows don't tell you is all of the truth. Herodotus once said, "One cannot step twice into the same river for the water in which you first stepped has flown on." How true. However, when it comes to relationships, this isn't totally accurate.
At first, returning to a past love is exciting and adventurous. It's like picking up a favorite toy from childhood that you left behind. It's such a good idea...in the beginning. After playing with the toy for a while though, you find yourself stuck (for lack of a better word). Stuck in a place with the same toy, but with a different you. What many don't realize is how quickly time changes us. It could be a few weeks or a few months (6 months to be exact), but we change. And when it comes to relationships, it's even harder.
You realize that the same problems you used to have may be gone, but there are new ones. There are harder, more difficult ones. And because you both have changed, you handle the problems differently than you would have the first time around. And if you are anything like me, you may feel depressed for you have made the same mistake twice. But this is not true.
This is not a step taken backwards. This is not another mistake in a string of bad ones. This is merely another lesson learned in a path to the amazing life you have ahead of you. A life that you deserve more than anything. A life of happiness. A happiness that redefines what happiness means. This is realizing that being miserable has no place in love. And if you are miserable in your situation, there is hope for something better.
Maybe occasionally someone gets lucky and finds a lost love just to realize that's all they were ever missing. But 9 times out of 10, we are reminded of the reason the relationship ended in the first place.
The point I am making? Being afraid of change is for babies. And frankly, I've been a baby for a while. But at some point, something weird happens and we become adults. We grow up and realize that change is the ONLY constant in this world. Change is something to embrace, while we let go of everything else holding us back. Shed a tear or two for the love that was lost, and then move on and be not afraid!
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me..."-Psalms 23:4

And it all comes crashing down...(hip hop beats implied).

So I thought my life was getting better, that things were looking up for once. And for a few weeks, they were. Then, I guess God decided to test me yet again. All in one weekend, I find out the guy who did want to be my boyfriend, now has no interest in doing so, AND my roommate is breaking the lease in December and will leave me sans roommate. Ugh. I broke down, as most would. Because it was just a bad weekend. It's amazing the difference a couple of days can make. Days like this make me remember how great God really is. Because no matter how bad things get, I always hear some quiet voice telling me that all will get better soon. It's amazing what faith can do for the human spirit. As disheartening as this past week has been, I am glad to say that it is about to be Fall Break and I'm going to have so much free time! Then again, minus a boyfriend, I don't really have anyone to spend it with. Soooo I'll probably just sit at home alone. But I guess that won't be too much different than any other weekend. This has been a bad blog. I'll probably end up deleting it. I'll write again when things begin to look up. :)

And iiiiiii will always love you. (whitney houston voice implied)

I'm just gonna start this by saying, I'm a pretty fast runner when I get going. And just recently I've realized...that the past few months I've been running endlessly. From what you say? The truth. Lesson numero uno: the truth always wins the race. It always catches up with you. You can move out of your house, start a new school, start dating a nice, new boy, clean up your room, even buy a really mean bunny rabbit that you thought would be sweet but wasn't at all ( okay, maybe that one just applies to me). Anyhooser. The truth always catches up with you, and sadly enough, after a few months of running from it, it doesn't get any prettier when it rears its ugly (and I mean ugly!) head again. The past couple of nights, I just can't seem to get him out of my head. With a year (and some change) of memories though, I guess that's understandable. Maybe this is part of the moving on process that I could have sworn I was done with...about a month or so ago. I pray a lot. And I mean a lot. I really just don't know what I'm so sad about. Yay for a depressing blog! No? You don't like depressing? Ha. Go figure. Promise the next one will be better. (Or at least I hope so.) I'd just like to leave you with one of my favorite spanish quotes....

"No hay quien pueda contar las piedras en un rio, ni la arena del mar, ni lo que yo he perdido."
Translation: "There is no one who could count the stones in a river, the sand in the sea, nor what I have lost."

Ahh relaxation.

Today, I woke up at 11:45. Which is one plus of living on my own. Because otherwise my little brother would have been in my room screaming at about 8 am. I went to get dressed and realized that I only had one pair of clean clothes left, whew! Laundry day! When I get back from this lady's shower, that is. So I picked up my mommy and listened to her talk ALL the way to Cherry Lake past Quitman.
There, this lady had a house very much like the houses at the Agrirama in Tifton...except she decorated it with old antiques...as opposed to new antiques, of course. Haha. Anywho, I realized at this baby shower, that not only do I not want kids, but I also don't want my friends to have kids either. Because then they will turn into overly-emotional baby making machines. Hah, just kidding. But seriously, why cry over a perfectly cute pair of baby shoes?
So then we left and I listened to mom talk some more. Most people spend about 1/3 of their lives sleeping. I, spend 1/3 of my life listening to my mother talk. But it's whatever, I love her :). Then I went home and my friend Josh and I went to see the movie Scott Pilgrim versus the world. Talk about a weird movie. I felt like I was on ex or something. Not that I know what that feels like by any means.
Afterwards, we went to Waffle House where I got a text from this guy I'm seeing (kinda). He asked me to be his girlfriend and I realized I just wasn't ready for that. Which is sad, because I really wish I was. Why am I so messed up? Who knows, but I blame my dad. I also blame him for global warming. And the rise of socialism. And Obama. Butttt yeah, next subject.
Oh yeah, so I felt bad for our waitress at "La Casa de Waffles" because she seemed old and sad. I'd be sad too if I worked there I think. And as for being old, I guess that happens to us all. Hehe.
So yeah, now I'm in bed watching...(looks at the TV guide)...hoarders: buried alive. Weird, I know. Anyway, I think I may stop procrastinating procrastination and start my workout plan in the morning. Probably not th0ugh, because the alarm and I just don't see eye to eye most mornings. But yeah...until tomorrow...! :)